segunda-feira, 18 de março de 2013

Laços e deslaços ...

Porque é que é tão fácil para algumas pessoas esquecerem a origem e quebrarem os laços com o o mundo que conhecem, e é tão difícil para outras? God damn it! Dava tudo para não estar no segundo grupo ...

Boa noite e até amanhã *

segunda-feira, 4 de março de 2013

Dark Place *

Never felt this dark before. Never felt this dismay, this lump in my throat. And it's f***ing annoying not being able to spell it out to someone to hear and argue about right or wrong. So many people around, so many old and new friends living nearby ans still I feel lonely. It's f***ing annoying not have anyone around in this cruel place I'm in. This dark, cold and frightening place where my mind spends all its time.

I'm so tired to be strong, to be brave, to hold on. I wish this person living inside my body could simply collapse and be "me" again, 'cause I'm not anymore. I find myself praying silently every second of my days, speaking to something that I don't even know if does really exists, because it's the only way I find to comfort myself.

I wish I could go back to my old self, run to my own arms and feel careless again. I wish I could be the owner of my own destiny again, with no lies, no worries, no hesitations, no blame, no fear to push me back. I wish I could find the damn answers to my endless questions and my hopeless dilemmas and doubts. No more suffering, no more emptiness in my heart and no more restraint to my soul. But apparently it's too much to ask. Apparently there's a lot more to learn, to go through even if I'm tired and done with this pointless life-training. But I just can't bear it, not for too long, not anymore.

I think it's a bit as she sings: "It's not much of a life I'm living".

Sorry for that. I just needed to write down my murky feelings, hoping to send them away from me. Better days will come. I just have no idea when, but I'm sure they'll come. *